INFORMATION
Age: 7 Moons Gender: Male (trans ftm) Rank: Apprentice Fur: Short Hair Colour: Cinnamon Mackerel Caliby Eyes: Blue |
SKILLS
✔ Good Navigator ✔ Efficient Mouse Hunter ✔ Quick-Witted ✘ Hot-Headed ✘ Short Temper ✘ Can't jump high |
PERSONALITY
A momma's boy, Hawkpaw has been devastated by the death of his mother, turning him into a snappish, heated, stubborn young cat.
Most of this might tie back, though, into the confusion he is feeling about his gender. He knows his mother called him a female, introduced him as 'my daughter', but he never felt right with that. He feels that everyone knows he was born a female, that everyone thinks that he is crazy or wrong when he introduces himself. But, despite the warm welcome and understanding he has received at Lasclan, he still still finds himself being defensive and snappish with the other cats.
A momma's boy, Hawkpaw has been devastated by the death of his mother, turning him into a snappish, heated, stubborn young cat.
Most of this might tie back, though, into the confusion he is feeling about his gender. He knows his mother called him a female, introduced him as 'my daughter', but he never felt right with that. He feels that everyone knows he was born a female, that everyone thinks that he is crazy or wrong when he introduces himself. But, despite the warm welcome and understanding he has received at Lasclan, he still still finds himself being defensive and snappish with the other cats.
STORY
When you're a kit, it's hard to process your emotions.
Things blend into one, one burning feeling confused with another.
It was late in the afternoon when the leader found the kit. The clan had been searching for the young male all day, and it was only in the burning light of the dusk that the kit was found, curled up beneath a thicket of brambles with his head buried in his paws.
Hawkkit was a fiery thing, cheeky and just downright bold. He was in trouble more often than he was not, and his poor mother had been at her wits end. He had been the only surviving kit of her litter, with no named father. She loved him to the moon and back. He could do no wrong in her eyes. Each misbehaviour was just him 'being a kit', each squabble with another kit was just him 'trying to make friends'. She idolized him, and he knew it. When another cat tried to discipline him, he would run to mamma, hiding behind her maternal protectiveness. Even as he grew to apprentice age, no cat chose to mentor him, apart from his own mother.
It was yesterday, only yesterday that everything in the young apprentice's life turned around. As you can imagine, training sessions consisted of him doing very little and his mother following happily and praising constantly. Yesterday, the male kit brought his mother and another apprentice and mentor to the mountains, hoping to pretend to practice catching mice. The other apprentice, a longhaired cat, enjoyed hunting under her mentor, but Hawk spent his hours laying at a cliffside in a snooze.
He wasn't sure exactly how it happened, but he awoke to raised voices, one his mother's. Opening one eye, the kit lazily regarded the scene before him.
His mother was bearing down upon the other mentor, fur bristling, and the other was in a similar state, ears flat against his head. The other kit was hiding, it seemed, not wanting to get in the way of the oncoming fight.
Eager to see his mother win against the other cat, Hawkpaw sat upright, tail wrapping around his paws as he watched. After a few moments of spitting harsh words and flexing claws, the other cat launched, attempting to snap his jaws shut on his mother's ears.
The scrap that ensued was short, but bloody, with both cats retiring covered in scratches and limping slightly. Hawkkit bounded to his mother's side as the other mentor and his apprentice descended the mountain, delighted to have seen her fend off the attack.
Instead of a kind word or a sweet touch, he was greeted by a bat around the ear, sending him staggering back, hurt.
"Why do you do this, Hawk?" She demanded, her eyes, the same hue as his own, burning into his. "Why do you take advantage of me?"
The kitten was shocked, unsure of what to say. It would have been a lie to say that he wasn't, but to hear his mother's hurt tone, to hear the pain as she realized that she was not, in fact, doing what was best for him... It stung.
The young male didn't answer, ears flattening against his head. He could hear his mother speaking still, but couldn't bring himself to tune into the words. Taking short, quick steps backwards, as if he could disappear into the shadows, his heart dropped to his paws as his hind paw slipped off the cliffside, fear replacing hurt on his features as both hind legs dipped off the edge.
His hind paws scrambled for grip, claws on his front paws clinging desperately to the dirt, hoping to stop himself from slipping further.
Her anger forgotten, his mother bounded forward, catching his scruff in her mouth and flinging him back to safety. Her movements, albeit desperate, were rough, and the kit hit the ground with a thud. He took a second to straighten, and, as his gaze returned to his mother, the tell-tale sound of cracking rock splitting the air before the rocks beneath her feet crumbled, sending her careening.
Hawkkit did nothing. He could do nothing. Frozen to the spot, the kit watched the spot his mother had once occupied before calling out meekly for her.
Raising his voice more, his ears ached as he attempted to hear her respond, for that sweet voice to tell him that she was alright.
But it never came.
Unable to process what had happened, Hawkpaw did the only thing that made sense.
He ran.
Thundering down the mountainside and into the woods, mind and heart a rush of emotion, the apprentice kept moving until he collapsed, crawling beneath the brush and hiding there.
This was where the leader found him, hours later. The patrol had found his mother, spine broken, at the base of the mountain, and, with no sign of the kit, they assumed the worst. A small search party proved fruitless, and, it was only on a head-clearing stroll did the leader hear the sniffling apprentice.
"Hawkpaw." The leader's stern but soft tones split the silence.
"Leave me alone." The youngster spat back, turning his back to the leader.
"Come here please." The statement was less like a request and more like a demand, and the apprentice crawled out, head and ears low.
"Hawkpaw, what happened?" The leader asked calmly, eyes kindly regarding the youngster.
"How am I supposed to know?" The kit snapped, suddenly bristling and baring his teeth to the leader. "The mountain just broke! It wasn't my fault! It... It wasn't my fault!" Emotions completely overcame the kit, and he batted at the leader with extended claws. It felt like anger, this emotion, and so he wanted to hurt someone... But the anger could not be directed at anyone else...
He was angry at himself.
If he hadn't brought them to the mountain, mother wouldn't have fallen.
If he was a good apprentice, mother wouldn't have been angry.
If he had done his training, she wouldn't have scolded him.
If he hadn't moved, she wouldn't have tried to save him.
If he had just let himself fall...
With a yowl, the apprentice, barely older than a kit, fell to the paws of the leader, trembling.
"If I hadn't been stupid, she wouldn't have died!" He cried, pain lacing each word in a way the young cat had never experienced before. "It's all my fault!"
He didn't move away when the leader began to groom him, allowing the male to smooth his fur until he had calmed somewhat. The anger still coursed through him, but less painfully now.
The leader caught him by the scruff, carrying Hawkpaw back to camp. Mothers fussed, warriors asked questions, but Hawkpaw remained silent. He didn't want to answer questions, other apprentice's yapping causing his blood to boil. He could hear them gossiping, speaking about his mother's death, but he couldn't act on the anger it inflicted. It was still internal, still bubbling inside him.
It was his fault.
It was all his fault.
When you're a kit, it's hard to process your emotions.
Things blend into one, one burning feeling confused with another.
It was late in the afternoon when the leader found the kit. The clan had been searching for the young male all day, and it was only in the burning light of the dusk that the kit was found, curled up beneath a thicket of brambles with his head buried in his paws.
Hawkkit was a fiery thing, cheeky and just downright bold. He was in trouble more often than he was not, and his poor mother had been at her wits end. He had been the only surviving kit of her litter, with no named father. She loved him to the moon and back. He could do no wrong in her eyes. Each misbehaviour was just him 'being a kit', each squabble with another kit was just him 'trying to make friends'. She idolized him, and he knew it. When another cat tried to discipline him, he would run to mamma, hiding behind her maternal protectiveness. Even as he grew to apprentice age, no cat chose to mentor him, apart from his own mother.
It was yesterday, only yesterday that everything in the young apprentice's life turned around. As you can imagine, training sessions consisted of him doing very little and his mother following happily and praising constantly. Yesterday, the male kit brought his mother and another apprentice and mentor to the mountains, hoping to pretend to practice catching mice. The other apprentice, a longhaired cat, enjoyed hunting under her mentor, but Hawk spent his hours laying at a cliffside in a snooze.
He wasn't sure exactly how it happened, but he awoke to raised voices, one his mother's. Opening one eye, the kit lazily regarded the scene before him.
His mother was bearing down upon the other mentor, fur bristling, and the other was in a similar state, ears flat against his head. The other kit was hiding, it seemed, not wanting to get in the way of the oncoming fight.
Eager to see his mother win against the other cat, Hawkpaw sat upright, tail wrapping around his paws as he watched. After a few moments of spitting harsh words and flexing claws, the other cat launched, attempting to snap his jaws shut on his mother's ears.
The scrap that ensued was short, but bloody, with both cats retiring covered in scratches and limping slightly. Hawkkit bounded to his mother's side as the other mentor and his apprentice descended the mountain, delighted to have seen her fend off the attack.
Instead of a kind word or a sweet touch, he was greeted by a bat around the ear, sending him staggering back, hurt.
"Why do you do this, Hawk?" She demanded, her eyes, the same hue as his own, burning into his. "Why do you take advantage of me?"
The kitten was shocked, unsure of what to say. It would have been a lie to say that he wasn't, but to hear his mother's hurt tone, to hear the pain as she realized that she was not, in fact, doing what was best for him... It stung.
The young male didn't answer, ears flattening against his head. He could hear his mother speaking still, but couldn't bring himself to tune into the words. Taking short, quick steps backwards, as if he could disappear into the shadows, his heart dropped to his paws as his hind paw slipped off the cliffside, fear replacing hurt on his features as both hind legs dipped off the edge.
His hind paws scrambled for grip, claws on his front paws clinging desperately to the dirt, hoping to stop himself from slipping further.
Her anger forgotten, his mother bounded forward, catching his scruff in her mouth and flinging him back to safety. Her movements, albeit desperate, were rough, and the kit hit the ground with a thud. He took a second to straighten, and, as his gaze returned to his mother, the tell-tale sound of cracking rock splitting the air before the rocks beneath her feet crumbled, sending her careening.
Hawkkit did nothing. He could do nothing. Frozen to the spot, the kit watched the spot his mother had once occupied before calling out meekly for her.
Raising his voice more, his ears ached as he attempted to hear her respond, for that sweet voice to tell him that she was alright.
But it never came.
Unable to process what had happened, Hawkpaw did the only thing that made sense.
He ran.
Thundering down the mountainside and into the woods, mind and heart a rush of emotion, the apprentice kept moving until he collapsed, crawling beneath the brush and hiding there.
This was where the leader found him, hours later. The patrol had found his mother, spine broken, at the base of the mountain, and, with no sign of the kit, they assumed the worst. A small search party proved fruitless, and, it was only on a head-clearing stroll did the leader hear the sniffling apprentice.
"Hawkpaw." The leader's stern but soft tones split the silence.
"Leave me alone." The youngster spat back, turning his back to the leader.
"Come here please." The statement was less like a request and more like a demand, and the apprentice crawled out, head and ears low.
"Hawkpaw, what happened?" The leader asked calmly, eyes kindly regarding the youngster.
"How am I supposed to know?" The kit snapped, suddenly bristling and baring his teeth to the leader. "The mountain just broke! It wasn't my fault! It... It wasn't my fault!" Emotions completely overcame the kit, and he batted at the leader with extended claws. It felt like anger, this emotion, and so he wanted to hurt someone... But the anger could not be directed at anyone else...
He was angry at himself.
If he hadn't brought them to the mountain, mother wouldn't have fallen.
If he was a good apprentice, mother wouldn't have been angry.
If he had done his training, she wouldn't have scolded him.
If he hadn't moved, she wouldn't have tried to save him.
If he had just let himself fall...
With a yowl, the apprentice, barely older than a kit, fell to the paws of the leader, trembling.
"If I hadn't been stupid, she wouldn't have died!" He cried, pain lacing each word in a way the young cat had never experienced before. "It's all my fault!"
He didn't move away when the leader began to groom him, allowing the male to smooth his fur until he had calmed somewhat. The anger still coursed through him, but less painfully now.
The leader caught him by the scruff, carrying Hawkpaw back to camp. Mothers fussed, warriors asked questions, but Hawkpaw remained silent. He didn't want to answer questions, other apprentice's yapping causing his blood to boil. He could hear them gossiping, speaking about his mother's death, but he couldn't act on the anger it inflicted. It was still internal, still bubbling inside him.
It was his fault.
It was all his fault.
HISTORY
Born the only kit in his litter, Hawkkit was born to a life of luxury, treated like a prince by his mother. He identified as male as soon as he could realize the difference, and, to the dismay of some of the elders in the clan, his mother had no problem with that.
The kit soon grew into Hawkpaw, and began training under the doting eye of his mother. Taking advantage of his mother's lax tutorage, the kit has done minimal training. After the accident that took his mother's life, the kit fled into the night, heartbroken and unable to remain in the clan that once was his home. After almost a week of hard travelling, Hawkkit arrived across the borders of Lasclan, and, after being saved from the river by Crowsong, was taken under her wing as apprentice, and, this time, he promises to do it right.
Born the only kit in his litter, Hawkkit was born to a life of luxury, treated like a prince by his mother. He identified as male as soon as he could realize the difference, and, to the dismay of some of the elders in the clan, his mother had no problem with that.
The kit soon grew into Hawkpaw, and began training under the doting eye of his mother. Taking advantage of his mother's lax tutorage, the kit has done minimal training. After the accident that took his mother's life, the kit fled into the night, heartbroken and unable to remain in the clan that once was his home. After almost a week of hard travelling, Hawkkit arrived across the borders of Lasclan, and, after being saved from the river by Crowsong, was taken under her wing as apprentice, and, this time, he promises to do it right.
EBONSTAR
Even though he might give him cheek and be brazen with him, Hawkpaw has an ultimate respect for Ebonstar, and longs to be just like the leader one day - fair, just, loyal. The male leader is like the father that Hawkpaw never knew, and he takes everything that the male says to heart. Each piece of advice, each moment of teachings is really held to his heart.
CROWSONG
Crowsong truly brings out the best in Hawkpaw, and the deputy is a motherly figure to the youngster. She makes him want to try his best, and makes him long to be a better cat. Of course, he loves his own mother, but Crowsong is the mentor that the youngster needed. She has no issue with reprimanding him, but he knows that, when she does, it is deserved.
SHADEPAW
Only three words describes the pair's relationships - 'Best Friends Forever"! Shadepaw is the first 'friend' Hawkpaw has ever met, and he loves the fluffy apprentice with all his heart. She is one of the first cat of his own age to refer to him by his preferred pronouns, and she has earned special best friend points for that. The pair are inseparable, and they probably always will be!
BLAZESTEP
Even though he'd never admit it aloud, Hawkpaw actually really enjoys the company of this troublesome cat. The whole clan knows that when Hawkpaw and Blazestep are together, trouble is a'comin!
THRUSHSTONE
This boring old timer isn't spoken to often by Hawkpaw - he finds him far too serious.
WILLOWTHORN
He doesn't talk to her much, but he knows how much Shadepaw enjoys the company of the Medicine Cat, so he is always polite and kind to the she-cat.